Be Lovely

Through my heartache and chaos of relationships I've had moments of clarity usually spurred by specific things that have been said to me. Of the conversations I remember, I've decided to reflect on these instances and provide responses I wish I could've given or advice I would've given myself at the times they happened. I am who I am now from all of these experiences; the hurtful thoughts, terrible fights, depressive bouts from emotionally draining relationships. Maybe if someone reads this they'll find clarity like I have. I only hope you don't have to go through turmoil to find it.

1. "Maybe you should dream smaller," My response: maybe your dreams aren't compatible with mine and I won't dream smaller to fit you. If you can't dream big with me, at least dream, then you need to find someone who will live smaller with you.
2. "Maybe I'm just not the girl who gets complimented" My response: Bullshit. You had to tell yourself that because he did nothing to make you feel good. Nothing. If you're going to be with someone, girl, he better be confident--and a healthy confident--enough to embrace your beauty and feed your energy, not suck it. Never let a man make you feel you don't deserve compliments or kind treatment. Never excuse it either.
3. "You expect too much,"  My response: "Maybe you're not enough for me." It can be true that the person you're with is just not good enough for you, that's not to say that you've got your nose in the air it's just that everyone has their standards. Sometimes it takes a few months into a relationship to realize that these standards don't match up. You'll be doing him a favour in the long run too by not dragging out an incompatible relationship. Be with the one who will rise to the occasion, I believe the right love will do this.
4. "They're only nice to you because they want sex," Men can be nice to me and I can still choose not to have sex with them. Kindness should just be default human decency when you meet someone you have hopes to engage with on some level deeper than being strangers. It's like saying "you're only nice to her because you want to be her friend," well, of course! That's how bonds start; good conversation. 

I found wisdom, that life is too short to be hateful or pessimistic. It's too fragile to be spent on pointlessness, to not give a little bit of your greatness in every encounter, to lie. Don't let the lovers that went wrong rule your choices and your future. They don't get to take your life away. Our grudges only give US wrinkles, not those that have wronged us.

Love hard and be friendly and spread your passion freely because it doesn't have to run out. So it went wrong, but do you regret learning from it? Do you regret the strength it has given you? Do you regret being a loving person? You shouldn't. Brokenness is beautiful. We get better at putting ourselves back together every time.